AC
AC's Blog

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Why am I thinking about this at 2 AM, when I have an 8 AM class tomorrow?

Normally, I try to veer from the emo side in blogs, because I know they sound sick and annoying. I come back after a few days, and usually question how I even wrote something so depressing, and then delete the post. But there are those days when you're just down and angry at the world, and just want to shut yourself from the world around you. So you turn to your only private and free corner where you can find a small window to try to reason things out.

One of the types of people I respect the most are the people who don't judge others. It's easier said than done, since deep down, we all have pent up human emotions. But we can try to find another way to deal with it. On the other hand, an exception is when it comes to people who complain about themselves constantly. So it kind of hits a collision point for these two different traits, and I constantly wonder myself how non-sensical I am.

Like all peeves and praises, there are reasons behind them. Personally, I have known people who have had some of the worst experiences in life, and are struggling to survive day by day. It hurts me especially since some of these people are very close to me, and there's not much I can do from where I am now. So when people are seriously complaining about petty things, it makes me think how narrow-minded and selfish they can be. When they're ranting once in awhile, it's fine, but when they think they are going through the worst thing in the world, then they should find a more valuable and efficient way to solve their own problems, as opposed to wasting everyone's time. A good friend of mine said that you should not seek attention that way and feel a need for people to sympathize and baby you more. I know these type of people have their own stories and troubles that they've gone through, but that's more of a reason not to act inappropriately.

I apologize for the sudden pessimistic post that has veered from the actual intentions of my blog. I haven't posted any rants like this since high school, when I experienced the little dramas at an all-girls school. While this is not a big deal at all to most people, I take it personally. I obviously rant about my coursework and activities, but there's a limit. To make excuses is simply weak, and each one of us is able to contribute just as much as anyone else can in this school. You should feel no need to make people feel sorry for you. If that is the case, you will not survive in the real world.

- AC

Labels:

Posted by Alice at 10:35 PM

0 comments


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Yellow Submariiiinneeee

Hello Hello Hello! I am trying very hard to be happy happy happy!! = D

Don't label me as a freak = ( I have just been very sick last week with the flu. It's a good thing I didn't have any exams this week, but it still sucked. I think the worst thing is that I couldn't laugh all week. It's been pent up and makes me cough more. And it really sucks more that happiness and laughter really DO make me feel better when I'm usually sick. But the flu will allow no such atrocity when invading people...

I am glad I'm getting better, in time for all the festivities next week! Career Fairs! Busy prepping for Case Studies presentations! Systems Engineering minor project request forms are due! And there's a dead bird outside our house! No seriously there is... and we will take care of that too.

Courses are going underway. I'm only taking one actual engineer-y technical course this semester. It's so strange because the last 4 years were extremely technical and full of tedious math in every ORIE class (Yes, that's a surprise surprise for some. But it goes to show you don't know anything about OR until you've been a full-fledged ORIE.). Reading's been a weakness of mine, so I'll have to practice = (

TAing is a lot more work than I thought. There's little things that catch me off guard, and I find it hardest explaining the more basic concepts. And it doesn't help that I'm the shortest girl in the room and can't pull down the projector screen. Nonetheless, it's quite an experience.

xoxo,
Alice

Posted by Alice at 8:58 PM

0 comments


Saturday, August 8, 2009

It's almost the end, almost a beginning, and almost the beginning of an end

I have just woken up from the deepest slumber with a very invigorating and refreshing mentality. Has anyone else experienced this? It's a terrific feeling, yet unfortunately, rendered me a bit too awake because 1) I received a loud text an hour ago with my phone right by my ear 2) It is currently 5:40 AM. But thank you, my texter! For I probably would have woken up at 2 PM otherwise, due to my jet lag. And since I slept at 11 last night, it's a decent amount of sleep.

My dream last night consisted of some random friends and I traveling in a van and going to various dark places. Yes, DARK. There was a dark school and dark shops. And these were a random bunch, consisting of most of the people I know from Chinese School and a girl I've known in Optix. But oddly enough, it was a fun adventure and partway into it I reminded myself to talk to Jess (also in the van) about our weekend beach plans. The dream ended on a completely weird note, as we got off at a factory that made noodle packages, with packaging labels consisting of three Christian quotes.

And now, here I am awaiting the sunrise and feeling very happy and refreshed, like I've finally woken up from a deep ten-year slumber. Actually, I think maybe it was ten years since I've felt truly happy. It's probably to do with finally discovering knowledge and going through intense schooling, from a private all-girls Catholic school straight to a 5-year Ivy League education. And also discovering boys coming to college. But I'd like to take a break from all that and just realize the simplest happy things in life, away from the petty squanderings and superficialities.

TOPIC CHANGE

I've probably inquired you lately of my laptop dilemma. I'm still searching and am truly fascinated by all the information out there about computers. I have learned the most about this this summer, learning the pros and cons on the major manufacturers. My most thrilling moments were when I came across a scrap of info and thought, "hey, I actually LEARNED that before. And I UNDERSTAND it! YAY!" Maybe I'll spend my spare time delving further into the field and add Computer Consultant at Fry's to my list of career options.

Right now, I've been looking into the Lenovo Y Series, but am still opened to other options. Does you have any thoughts, recs, or stay-aways to share?

Hope you're enjoying your summer.

Missing you,
A

Posted by Alice at 5:37 AM

1 comments


Monday, July 6, 2009

I heard that people who talked to themselves are crazy. So if you're talking to your body parts, you must be other-worldy, psychotically delusional

Perhaps it's the slow pace and reluctance for school to begin. Or maybe the humdrum of the hot days rolling by briskly without a sigh.

Today as I cleaned and straightened my clothes drawer, I came upon a long-sleeved shirt. Nothing special. Only a frill around the bottom and the "Old Navy" logo on it. And it was baby blue, my old favorite color. Yet suddenly a wave of emotions washed over. Not nostalgic or anything like it. It was a peaceful emotion. A refreshing feeling, like I was seeing something interesting for the first time. I guess the closest analogy I think of is like... I don't know... seeing a smiling newborn. I never felt this, especially when looking at a raggety old shirt that was way too small for me. But it's an emotion I'll tuck away and examine again when I'm feeling depressed.

So along the theme of clothes, comes the story about my shorts. I was oddly ecstatic about taking a shower today. I usually consider showers and other necessities, like sleeping and eating, mindless routine work that I wished I could get away with in an instant. But today I was happy because I would be able to wear my new white cotton long-shorts for the first time. Hurrah! I'm one of those people who gets the most excited about trivial things. As I was pulling on those shorts, I looked at myself in the mirror, something I rarely do, and that was all it took to drain out all the happiness and turn that smile upside down. Cuz there was undeniably a layer of wobbliness growing around my stomach. It wasn't large (yet). But oh you know how that stuff grows.

"Go away, stupid fat. I just got new clothes," I whimpered. Then I quickly put on my other clothes and ran out of the bathroom.

So my pigout adventure this summer has come to an end. Perhaps it has something to do with all the reading on vampires and werewolves, who ate their prey voraciously. The only person I can see being happy about this would be my father, glad that his daughter would not wear any tight or slightly cut-off, midriff-showing tops for a few weeks.

Fortunately, there are no more anecdotes of the day relating to any other articles of clothing. But I will start anew beginning tomorrow with more jogging, badminton, and biking (YES PEOPLE, I LEARNED THIS SUMMER HOW TO RIDE A BIKE!! AND I'M ACTUALLY NOT TOO SHABBY AT IT! Guess I do have some Davis blood in me after all.).


xoxo,
A

Labels: ,

Posted by Alice at 1:34 AM

0 comments


Thursday, June 25, 2009

RevNONelation

Something happened that never happened before. I didn't think it would ever occur, and yet here it is biting my thoughts and parching my throat. While I sip my strawberry smoothie, I feel a teensy bit of gratuity toward the pink drink. At least one food item doesn't make me want to barf today.

I had sesame bread and shrimps for lunch today. Before you get too bored, I'll say now that these two items were pretty much the essences of the story. I downed the bread no problem, but as I ate each shrimp, a feeling came over me I never experienced when eating food I didn't dislike.

Nausea.

For the first shrimp I ate, I could feel the deep disgust as I burrowed my teeth into the flesh. And before I could gag, I'd swallow it quickly, thinking that it would be the panacea to this horror and everything was just part of my imagination. Wrong move. The next three weren't better and I gave up, settling on eating watermelon for the remainder of my snack.

I'm not vegetarian and had never been. Not because I particularly liked non-veggies, but the fact that I would probably die in less than a week. I disliked bean products (eg: tofu, bean sprouts, red/green bean) and the majority of the green veggie group. And water too, just fyi. So it would only make sense to balance my nutrition a bit with meat and seafood.

But I can't understand why I felt so much disgust today. Worse, I couldn't purge it and go eat something else. I'm not brave enough to do that. So I'd rather sit here and cover the flavor by guzzling the pink drink.

I have to rethink my diet.

Notes:
My deep condolences and best wishes to Michael Jackson and his family.

A

Posted by Alice at 2:57 PM

0 comments