Alice Chuang

7 year old girls dancing hard to Beyonce = Plain Disturbing

2010-05-17T05:33:00.001-07:00

Whoever planned this should go to therapy. Whoever designed the outfits should go to twice the therapy. This is so disturbing on so many levels. Did they even realize what they were doing? Did the parents realize how many pedophiles they're going to have to fend off now? On the other hand, I do feel impressed with the dancing and choreography. Not many dancers my age, including myself (for the right reasons), could pull this off. And their synchronization is pretty amazing, especially with the foute sequence. I guess if it were 17 year olds instead of 7 year olds doing this, we'd be less than impressed. Society these days is so warped. If we spent as much effort in helping Europe get up to par or putting monays into CA education (since obviously some families need it... and I'm not talking about the kids), then it would benefit our society and sanity with more return. Much more than training your children to dance like a promiscuous dancer. The logic is so simple that I'm confused why people would even think otherwise.

8 days!!

2010-04-29T10:14:00.000-07:00

I can't recall the last time I slept before 6 am. I think it was 3 weeks ago. Or 2 months ago. My times are all messed up now. Thank goodness for a little miracle called sugar.

To all of you, come back during slope day weekend. Relive your college experience and party with meeee =D

- A

1093

2010-04-24T20:56:00.000-07:00

I will be closing this blog when graduation comes, or shortly after. But where a door closes, a window is open elsewhere. I'll want to start a new blog detailing my life of my career adventures. And I'm sure many of my friends and even my parents are going to be utterly confused why the heck I'm doing what I'm doing for the next ten years. I even still sometimes question myself why I went to Cornell or chose Engineering. But I hope that all of this new knowledge will create something powerful in the bigger picture.

The other day I was taking a break from my MEng toy project, and googling and wiki-ing some of the people I consider to be the most influential in history. George Washington, Galileo, Buddha, Oprah, Jesus,... It made think how they got to where they ended up being. I think most people just go with it. I don't think Edison sat down and went "Alrighty! I'm going to make 10 inventions today. Let's go!" You just get inspired to create and he ended up having over 1000 patented inventions.

I don't think you're ever too young to think about what you aspire to be.

So I decided to start now. Even though I'm in my twenties, I feel like I still don't have enough time in the world to do everything I can and be everything I want to be. And for almost everything, you can only do it well when you start learning at a young age.

And to kick off my hurrah of after graduation life: GMAT exams

Does anyone in Ithaca have any spare-able Shin ramen bowls?

It's the Little Thoughts that Count

2010-04-13T16:41:00.000-07:00

I was walking to Rhodes today and was pondering my feelings about girls and guys. I've lately been having a strong dislike for girls in general because of some girls I see in real life (some, not all) and in TV shows. And also because I don't even like some things I have to do just because I'm a girl and not a guy. Like shaving. So for a moment, I contemplated not being straight. I could be hanging out with cool guys and doing fun guy stuff. I'm still not sure what they do by themselves, but it can't be all that bad. But since I see myself in a relationship in the long run, that means I'd be with a girl. Forever. And that is absolutely horrid. So that's the end of my status contemplation. It probably lasted like 2 seconds.

On a completely different note, I really appreciate some of things job interviews DON'T screen you for. Like your daily diet. If they found out all the crap in my stomach, I'd be doomed.

One more down

2010-04-09T04:45:00.000-07:00

Cleaning up after a drunk college student.

One more checked off from my list of "Stuff I Must Complete Before College is Over."

Forget Regret

2010-04-05T20:48:00.000-07:00

Have you ever had a day when it's just been so full of deja-vu-ness of similar-themed occurrences? Sometimes, a string of good luck happenings and you're floating in air throughout the day. Gosh I miss those. And then there's other stuff. Today, for instance. I just kept running into things I regretted and felt guilt-ridden over.

I think when it comes to these circumstances, it helped me to just let it all out and talk about it with people close to me. And then move on. It doesn't help to dwell on something that can't be changed. And after it's over, I really learn from these experiences. There's an up to every down.

Sugar helps too.

<3 A

The Looper

2010-03-29T22:17:00.000-07:00

ok so I'm bombing one of my resolutions in blog posting. I'll try harder. But hopefully this post will put a smile on your face = D

Spring Break just ended and today was the first day back at school. Unfortunately, it's midterm week for one of my classes, so obviously I need to focus very hard by coming by own personal space here. My break was full of glamorous hotels (for my interview), late night sophisticated conversations (full of emo-ness), and interview fun (whoo!). This past interview was the most intense interview process I have ever been through. In the span of 9 hours beginning at 7:30 AM, I powered through 3 exams, 2 case studies, 1 presentation, and various behavioral interviews. In between all that, my stomach hurt from bad judgment in drinking coffee in the morning. My body can't handle caffeine. But I decided to drink it because everyone was doing it X___X But the interview itself was an awesome experience and I HOPE I get a chance to be there again cuz the company was great and I loved the environment and people.

I have to say the most entertaining part of my break though was... superhero movie marathon! We watched the big blockbusters... all Spiderman films, Fantastic Fours, and Incredible Hulk. And a Stephen Chow movie.

I also started revisiting some old videos that I worked on in the past cuz I miss video editing at times. So it got me thinking... if I was a superhero video editor, what would my name be?

Well I guess I'll have to talk about my weaknesses and strengths. My biggest weakness is I'm friggin slow. I think I'm the slowest person in the world when it comes to editing. I admit I'm highly critical in detail when it comes to editing, but I overdo it a lot and a lot of times I end up wasting time. Another weakness is that it looks one-dimensional. I guess it gives an "Alice-feel," but I need more variety and effects. I guess a big reason for that is I'm not an expert at all and have a lot more to learn. If I had made the decision to go to USC five and a half years ago, I probably would have eventually gone into film and entertainment. But I decided to be a good child and become an engineer. Strengths... AHA!! My biggest one is my way of building transitions and making it all flow. I guess the best example would be with background music. I cut a few places in a song, mix it up, put it back together, and what do you know... it sounds like a new song! A good one I mean. I can also loop some sequences in different sections and it sounds decent. Kinda like DJing.

So naturally, my video editing superhero name would "The Looper." whoaaa watch out for The Looper! And her intense audio mixin skills.

So for all those video freaks out there, whether you edit, watch, or eat films, what would your superhero name be?

What a productive and happy mini-break. I'm all pumped to study now!

<3 A

Six Months Later

2010-02-28T21:34:00.000-08:00

Thank you to everyone who has supported me this past half year during the most difficult time in my life thus far. All I can say is that in the beginning, the worst part was being alone. No one would believe me. People would think they were made-up and dramatized stories just to make my college life sound interesting. I would not intentionally choose to live a hard life and lie to make myself sound like a bad person. It takes so much energy to open up to someone, even a friend, about a difficult situation. To be ignored or dismissed is painful. But we all go through times when we have to endure something we cannot control or we just have to fake a smile.

There so many things I wanted to blog about, but were too personal and I'm not sure how people would react. For the people who listened and have given me strength and encouragement to move on and work harder, I honestly want to thank you and appreciate you for being a part of my life. I know that people have moved on with work and other things in their lives, so it touches me they'd take the time to remember old friends. I can honestly say now that if I had just had a glimpse of what would happen, I would never have set foot here again. No amount of scholarship is worth it. But I was one of those greedy people who considered money more than other important things that would have benefited my life.

No matter how much empty space is around me, I will not try to make something impossible happen. There are people who are worth sharing your life with, and people who aren't. And after 5 years of going through this, I am not going to stand being taken advantage of, being lied about, and being disrespected. All I hope is that there are only a few months left and I hope good things will come to those close to me who are struggling now. Maybe one day, I'll have the strength to open up about myself. But right now, it's just too hard when there's people out there who don't believe in me.

Motto for Spring 2010

2010-01-24T21:36:00.000-08:00

Focus

This is the last of so many things. An obvious one is the last semester of college. Then there's also the last months of no car! But nonetheless there's no denying that there's always a goal each semester and I usually want to try something different or meeting new people or finding male study buddies. But this semester is about focusing on what I have right now and wrapping everything up. No more wondering about the what if's, but rather cherishing what I have now.

MEng year was not what I expected and if given the opportunity to choose again, I would have certainly chosen to not attend Cornell. The tingly feeling of a new start of a new semester is gone. There are people I miss a lot who are not here. Of course I'm grateful for the opportunities that this semester has given me. In some cases it was worth it, when I discovered something new about myself, like studying in different places in campus. I am happy when I don't stay in the same spot. I guess this was a good chance to get rid of all the negative thoughts.

Focus. Focus. Focus. You're almost at the end.

2010 Is My Birthday Backwards

2010-01-14T11:49:00.000-08:00

It's not that I've forgotten about this blog or didn't want write in it, but I couldn't find something substantial to write about. My daily life is full of ho-hums and the biggest dilemma I've had recently was whether or not the shirt I was wearing smelled (they did). So I realized that when I come back, I'll have to find something totally and superbly kick-butt and awesome to talk about.

2010 New Years Resolutions (or before I graduate)

ok not the most kick-butt topic, but I have to start somewhere.

1. Better Hygiene
I hate the smell and the taste of mouthwash. But since I realize I have weak enamel, which resulted in my four fillings, I should really start using it. On a related note, I am one of the lucky few to have gum recession at my age. Guess that's the venue where I pour all my stress and pent up anger.

2. Better Budgeting
During the middle of fall semester, I decided to start to become financially independent. I just started earning enough income last year to pay for most of my personal expenses, including my apartment rent and even some food back at home. I fulfilled my long-time goal last year of buying my brothers something nice when I begin earning money (Nintendo DS Lites), which makes me happy. These were much better presents than the ones I bought in previous years (eg: neglected sudoku books, tongue scrapers). I think it's because now it's my own money, I'm more careful the way I spend it.

Back to the topic... I respect a lot of people who have been financially independent since a young age and I know it's harder than it seems. The exceptions to this goal are my tuition (already paid for by my parents) and basic necessities when I come back home. There's these basic needs that are relatively easy to keep track of, but I am starting to save for bigger things, like a car, college loans, and business school (this is going to gobble my account).

3. Travel the High Way
Along those lines, I have never had my own car, since we already have three at home and I study on the east coast. But I am going to get a car this year, wherever I end up living. This also means getting over my fear of highways, having nearly had an accident my first time.

4. Move the Earth
Since trying to grow a watermelon when I was about 5 failed utterly, I want to try growing something by myself, whether that be flowers, a tree, or maybe even try growing a watermelon again. Not tulips though.

5. Be Published
Depending on when I start working, I will begin writing a book. I made this decision at the start of college and wanted to write it while studying, but I never found the time. And my best ideas come when I'm in the upstairs bathroom of my house while showering or (aggressively) brushing my teeth. Obviously I'm not going to finish this goal before the year's end, but I want to get a good start on it. I'll probably blog a bit more about it as my ideas go on.

6. Work No Matter What
During my early years of college, before the whole recession going on, I considered taking a year off between college and work, so I could volunteer. That was the original plan in my personal timeline of plans and goals I wish to accomplish in my life. But recent events made me think that it's important to find a job now. But even if I don't find a job, I still want to teach or volunteer. I was considering applying for TFA, but thought maybe I'm not ready to teach a class. I'm actually quite scared of teaching a full class, since it's different from tutoring and the small summer course that I've taught in the past. But it's better than being a bum at home. There's always something to do, even volunteering, and I guess I'll have to see what happens this year.

One thing I discovered: I love earning money. It's not just any money, but when I earn it, I love it and care for it so much more.

That reminds me. One question we ask potential members of Cornell's Class of '14 when we meet or interview them is, "If you were to take a year off between high school and college, what would you do?" I have received the same answer now for every single Cornell applicant, which amuses me. (Even I gave that same answer 5 years ago) and I'm wondering if there is someone who is going to give me a completely different response and throw me off.

7. Keep in Touch
I was cleaning out my FB inbox and realized that I was so much more social the end of freshman year and sophomore year. Even though there were dire consequences like having creepy stalkers, it was nice bathing in the spotlight during that time when you've just started to make your mark in the school. But I learned that more important than anything is respect. Respecting yourself, respecting your friends, respecting people you don't know, and respecting people you don't like. I need to remember keeping in touch and not forget what makes college memorable.

Going back to Ithaca next Tuesday. About to complete the end of a chapter in my life.

Why am I thinking about this at 2 AM, when I have an 8 AM class tomorrow?

2009-10-04T22:35:00.000-07:00

Normally, I try to veer from the emo side in blogs, because I know they sound sick and annoying. I come back after a few days, and usually question how I even wrote something so depressing, and then delete the post. But there are those days when you're just down and angry at the world, and just want to shut yourself from the world around you. So you turn to your only private and free corner where you can find a small window to try to reason things out.

One of the types of people I respect the most are the people who don't judge others. It's easier said than done, since deep down, we all have pent up human emotions. But we can try to find another way to deal with it. On the other hand, an exception is when it comes to people who complain about themselves constantly. So it kind of hits a collision point for these two different traits, and I constantly wonder myself how non-sensical I am.

Like all peeves and praises, there are reasons behind them. Personally, I have known people who have had some of the worst experiences in life, and are struggling to survive day by day. It hurts me especially since some of these people are very close to me, and there's not much I can do from where I am now. So when people are seriously complaining about petty things, it makes me think how narrow-minded and selfish they can be. When they're ranting once in awhile, it's fine, but when they think they are going through the worst thing in the world, then they should find a more valuable and efficient way to solve their own problems, as opposed to wasting everyone's time. A good friend of mine said that you should not seek attention that way and feel a need for people to sympathize and baby you more. I know these type of people have their own stories and troubles that they've gone through, but that's more of a reason not to act inappropriately.

I apologize for the sudden pessimistic post that has veered from the actual intentions of my blog. I haven't posted any rants like this since high school, when I experienced the little dramas at an all-girls school. While this is not a big deal at all to most people, I take it personally. I obviously rant about my coursework and activities, but there's a limit. To make excuses is simply weak, and each one of us is able to contribute just as much as anyone else can in this school. You should feel no need to make people feel sorry for you. If that is the case, you will not survive in the real world.

- AC

Yellow Submariiiinneeee

2009-09-10T20:58:00.000-07:00

Hello Hello Hello! I am trying very hard to be happy happy happy!! = D

Don't label me as a freak = ( I have just been very sick last week with the flu. It's a good thing I didn't have any exams this week, but it still sucked. I think the worst thing is that I couldn't laugh all week. It's been pent up and makes me cough more. And it really sucks more that happiness and laughter really DO make me feel better when I'm usually sick. But the flu will allow no such atrocity when invading people...

I am glad I'm getting better, in time for all the festivities next week! Career Fairs! Busy prepping for Case Studies presentations! Systems Engineering minor project request forms are due! And there's a dead bird outside our house! No seriously there is... and we will take care of that too.

Courses are going underway. I'm only taking one actual engineer-y technical course this semester. It's so strange because the last 4 years were extremely technical and full of tedious math in every ORIE class (Yes, that's a surprise surprise for some. But it goes to show you don't know anything about OR until you've been a full-fledged ORIE.). Reading's been a weakness of mine, so I'll have to practice = (

TAing is a lot more work than I thought. There's little things that catch me off guard, and I find it hardest explaining the more basic concepts. And it doesn't help that I'm the shortest girl in the room and can't pull down the projector screen. Nonetheless, it's quite an experience.

xoxo,
Alice

It's almost the end, almost a beginning, and almost the beginning of an end

2009-08-08T05:37:00.000-07:00

I have just woken up from the deepest slumber with a very invigorating and refreshing mentality. Has anyone else experienced this? It's a terrific feeling, yet unfortunately, rendered me a bit too awake because 1) I received a loud text an hour ago with my phone right by my ear 2) It is currently 5:40 AM. But thank you, my texter! For I probably would have woken up at 2 PM otherwise, due to my jet lag. And since I slept at 11 last night, it's a decent amount of sleep.

My dream last night consisted of some random friends and I traveling in a van and going to various dark places. Yes, DARK. There was a dark school and dark shops. And these were a random bunch, consisting of most of the people I know from Chinese School and a girl I've known in Optix. But oddly enough, it was a fun adventure and partway into it I reminded myself to talk to Jess (also in the van) about our weekend beach plans. The dream ended on a completely weird note, as we got off at a factory that made noodle packages, with packaging labels consisting of three Christian quotes.

And now, here I am awaiting the sunrise and feeling very happy and refreshed, like I've finally woken up from a deep ten-year slumber. Actually, I think maybe it was ten years since I've felt truly happy. It's probably to do with finally discovering knowledge and going through intense schooling, from a private all-girls Catholic school straight to a 5-year Ivy League education. And also discovering boys coming to college. But I'd like to take a break from all that and just realize the simplest happy things in life, away from the petty squanderings and superficialities.

TOPIC CHANGE

I've probably inquired you lately of my laptop dilemma. I'm still searching and am truly fascinated by all the information out there about computers. I have learned the most about this this summer, learning the pros and cons on the major manufacturers. My most thrilling moments were when I came across a scrap of info and thought, "hey, I actually LEARNED that before. And I UNDERSTAND it! YAY!" Maybe I'll spend my spare time delving further into the field and add Computer Consultant at Fry's to my list of career options.

Right now, I've been looking into the Lenovo Y Series, but am still opened to other options. Does you have any thoughts, recs, or stay-aways to share?

Hope you're enjoying your summer.

Missing you,
A

I heard that people who talked to themselves are crazy. So if you're talking to your body parts, you must be other-worldy, psychotically delusional

2009-07-06T01:34:00.000-07:00

Perhaps it's the slow pace and reluctance for school to begin. Or maybe the humdrum of the hot days rolling by briskly without a sigh.

Today as I cleaned and straightened my clothes drawer, I came upon a long-sleeved shirt. Nothing special. Only a frill around the bottom and the "Old Navy" logo on it. And it was baby blue, my old favorite color. Yet suddenly a wave of emotions washed over. Not nostalgic or anything like it. It was a peaceful emotion. A refreshing feeling, like I was seeing something interesting for the first time. I guess the closest analogy I think of is like... I don't know... seeing a smiling newborn. I never felt this, especially when looking at a raggety old shirt that was way too small for me. But it's an emotion I'll tuck away and examine again when I'm feeling depressed.

So along the theme of clothes, comes the story about my shorts. I was oddly ecstatic about taking a shower today. I usually consider showers and other necessities, like sleeping and eating, mindless routine work that I wished I could get away with in an instant. But today I was happy because I would be able to wear my new white cotton long-shorts for the first time. Hurrah! I'm one of those people who gets the most excited about trivial things. As I was pulling on those shorts, I looked at myself in the mirror, something I rarely do, and that was all it took to drain out all the happiness and turn that smile upside down. Cuz there was undeniably a layer of wobbliness growing around my stomach. It wasn't large (yet). But oh you know how that stuff grows.

"Go away, stupid fat. I just got new clothes," I whimpered. Then I quickly put on my other clothes and ran out of the bathroom.

So my pigout adventure this summer has come to an end. Perhaps it has something to do with all the reading on vampires and werewolves, who ate their prey voraciously. The only person I can see being happy about this would be my father, glad that his daughter would not wear any tight or slightly cut-off, midriff-showing tops for a few weeks.

Fortunately, there are no more anecdotes of the day relating to any other articles of clothing. But I will start anew beginning tomorrow with more jogging, badminton, and biking (YES PEOPLE, I LEARNED THIS SUMMER HOW TO RIDE A BIKE!! AND I'M ACTUALLY NOT TOO SHABBY AT IT! Guess I do have some Davis blood in me after all.).

xoxo,
A

RevNONelation

2009-06-25T14:57:00.000-07:00

Something happened that never happened before. I didn't think it would ever occur, and yet here it is biting my thoughts and parching my throat. While I sip my strawberry smoothie, I feel a teensy bit of gratuity toward the pink drink. At least one food item doesn't make me want to barf today.

I had sesame bread and shrimps for lunch today. Before you get too bored, I'll say now that these two items were pretty much the essences of the story. I downed the bread no problem, but as I ate each shrimp, a feeling came over me I never experienced when eating food I didn't dislike.

Nausea.

For the first shrimp I ate, I could feel the deep disgust as I burrowed my teeth into the flesh. And before I could gag, I'd swallow it quickly, thinking that it would be the panacea to this horror and everything was just part of my imagination. Wrong move. The next three weren't better and I gave up, settling on eating watermelon for the remainder of my snack.

I'm not vegetarian and had never been. Not because I particularly liked non-veggies, but the fact that I would probably die in less than a week. I disliked bean products (eg: tofu, bean sprouts, red/green bean) and the majority of the green veggie group. And water too, just fyi. So it would only make sense to balance my nutrition a bit with meat and seafood.

But I can't understand why I felt so much disgust today. Worse, I couldn't purge it and go eat something else. I'm not brave enough to do that. So I'd rather sit here and cover the flavor by guzzling the pink drink.

I have to rethink my diet.

Notes:
My deep condolences and best wishes to Michael Jackson and his family.

A

Just Luck

2009-06-25T02:01:00.000-07:00

Ba. Eight. That was the number of times it took to repaint the layers of "Petal Power" shade on the fingernails of each hand. That's not even including the number of times it took to redo each nail.

Is it really instilled in all Asians to be perfectionists, even up until now?

Well, at least my nails turned out decently. Maybe the final product is worth the frustration.

Sidenote: I think everyone knows my embarrassing commencement story by now, so I'm not going to post it. Unless you request it and give me a new bottle of nail polish, to replace mine that's almost empty.

xoxo,
A

Update

2009-06-01T02:24:00.001-07:00

hallo hallo!! It's been awhile = ) The last semester has been crazy full of random projects, papers, videos, and late night dancing. But I have not forgotten my dear blog home. More letters, rants, and GOSSIP! Juicy, juicy!

1) Layout update
yay! I wanted to change things up a bit. Hope it looks sorta decent, with my lack of HTML and Photoshop experience, neither of which I ever learned. I am actually one of the very few of my generation to have never touched Photoshop. I've managed to learn how to edit videos and music, but no... no Photoshop in my book = ( perhaps some wonderful and very patient would teach me someday?

2) Finished with school... sorta
Well, for starters... I GRADUATED!! I finally received my diploma last weekend, and got the $200K worth piece of paper (chucked somewhere, abandoned in my room), which is the pure and essential reason why I've pressed on through all the agony in these last few years. I thought this semester would be my easiest, but somehow it always gets harder. Or I get lazier and other things got in the way. I did turn 21 after all last year. This semester consisted of the most all nighters yet, when I started out sleeping early, and then at the end of the semester, the cue was when the birds were chirping while the garbage truck pulled outside my window to brush up the dumpster. Fortunately, my classes all started at noon, except the Mushrooms and Molds class at 11 that I was never on time to. But alas, I am finally done.

Well done for the summer. Back to MEng degree in August. And where else, but Cornell! I can just imagine it...

Cornell: "Congrats you're done!!

hahaha... just kidding, we're not done with you juuuust yet!"

Me: ="(

It wasn't such a dreadful experience as I've made it out in this blog. But honestly, there comes a time when enough is just plain old bageled enough. I guess there were other options at the time, like waiting a couple more months to start work or going to GTech for an MS instead. I guess that story can come later on. But in essence, my heart lies at Cornell. So I won't be missing those gorges and that giganto slope just yet.

3) Where to go next?
Going to DC!! yup, I'm headed back to the east coast tomorrow! I'll be staying till Thursday, going through my medical/polygraph exams. If you're in the area, lemme know!

It's 3 AM already @____@ old bad habits come back when you're so focused on something. I guess I'll save my ORIE graduation ceremony story for tomorrow.

Sleep tight = )

xoxo,
A

Another break

2008-12-26T03:12:00.001-08:00

Completely finished: 1
Applications finished but not the essay part: 3
Not done at all and I'm screwed on: 2

yup, sounds like a time for another procrastination hobby. yaaaaa, who's in? = D

Go to link: http://dumptrumpet.com/?v=6156%3Cbr%20/%3E

YES, IT'S A CHRISTMAS TREE! AND LOOK, IT'S A FUN GAME FOR ENGINEERING AND GEEKS OUT THERE! who says we have no lives? we can light up christmas trees! = )

or can we?

"The object of the game is to connect all the wires and lightbulbs to the electrical source. To rotate the bulbs and wires, just click on them. Just start at the bottom of the tree and work your way up."

Have funn = D

And hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas = )

xoxo,
ALOG

sleepless in california

2008-12-25T03:37:00.000-08:00

I'm not supposed to be here and it's almost 4 in the morning. And I have major hard-core graduate school + job applications I have procrastinated till this break.

But it's raining. Really really hard.

And it's SOOO LOUD and it's SOOOO COOOOOLD.

Anyways.

Since I came home, the topic of humanity came up a lot, the extent of it and whether it really exists. It becomes more apparent in dire situations, such as the crappy state our nation is in now. People reach out their hands to help their peers and we contribute what we have to the best of our efforts. It's interesting to observe just how complex human nature is. Sometimes I even think it's a forced action and being "humane" isn't part of human nature at all. My mother questions me on mine, on how I interpret people and use that to gauge my actions and then it bleeds into the subject of self honesty. I choose to not give off everything I have. It's not smart and it makes the entire world so much less interesting. Yes, it's had its consequences for me, but there are some losses that are worth it to achieve something greater. Can you honestly say that you haven't thought that way at least once before? She doesn't like how I handle some situations and I can't say she's wrong. But I think we're all entitled to freedom in thinking about things our own ways. The essence of humanity is that each one of us has a different way to go about it.

Another dose of AliceMalice.

Two things I learned from Cornell this semester:

1. A system is only as complex and deep as you interpret it.

2. Whether you want to know how full the glass is, you first and foremost pour the water into the glass. You.

I'm not going to understand this tomorrow morning. Attempt 2 at sleeping now.

Black Friday

2008-11-28T22:12:00.000-08:00

Hello! I hope everyone's had a great Thanksgiving and is enjoying break. It's finally the end of Black Friday. The end of the greatest shopping day of the year. The end of all that money spent that runs out of our pockets faster than time itself. Hopefully it will help fuel our economy a bit.

Hurts: My back from standing so long, my feet from walking, and my head from calculating discounts and savings in seconds... I think I'm done for the end of the year.

Of all the toys and gifts (mostly for myself... I'm not afraid to admit I'm a selfish bee) I finally got a mouse!! A big black laser mouse that is longer than my current baby mouse, which is less than the length of my index finger. Applause. Now I can fully grasp my purpose of getting a mouse: to stretch my fingers.

Yours truly has spent a total of $356.11. Not a small sum, but not an amount my parents will be very pleased about when they see the bill. Now there's seriously no reason for them to not yell at me if I don't do well on my finals. If it makes them feel better, I didn't get them gifts. ok you probably think that I'm mean and selfish... it's not because I'm not a good child (well...), but they'd be even less happy I bought them Christmas gifts on my credit card, which is shared on my parents' account, so it's technically their own money. See, I'm saving money by just spending it on myself. I thought this through. My parents will thank me one day.

I will be going back home December 16th. After 3 projects, 2 case studies, a paper, and I don't even want to count how many exams... on to graduate school applications. I hope I don't apply to the wrong major again.

xoxo,
A

Back on the Road

2008-10-24T11:36:00.000-07:00

After a series of crazy ups and turns, and midway terms, finally I have my beloved life back. They did not go well, but as you may know, I believe in destiny and a reason for the way everything comes to be. Although I did not fail, I did not meet my expectations. However, there is just enough legroom to be able to redeem myself and push myself harder the rest of this semester in order to get my desired too-squared GPA.

Along the lines of future, what would every geeky girl want for her wedding?

makes me *almost* excited to grow up. For more geekiness, click me!

I turned legal this past week. uh oh legal A Monster on the loose... just when you think she couldn't get wilder and crazier.

Nov 5th-9th: SWE National Conference
Nov 9th: Daylight Savings GAIN = )
Nov 10th: Marketing exam #3
Too far away: Thanksgiving break. Where oh where to go?

xoxo
A

THE GOSSIP ENTRY

2008-09-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

Mellers wanted me to spice up my blog with some fresh gossip. So here is the juiciest and latest gossip in Alicers's life at the moment.

1. That Friend

Times with friends and boyfriends pass by quickly in our lives. But some friends do stay with us for a long time. And for every girl, there's that one friend who comes every month for over half of our lifetimes. And like all friends (and boyfriends), battles and physical pain come every time. And now it was my turn and I wanted to win. To combat?

I introduce Meller's sweet sweet desserts.

Take 3 dessert-starving girls (The MAD girls- Mellers, Alicers, and Denners) on a Saturday night (at least one of them with that friend) and stuff piles of jello and cupcakes until their hearts' *sweet spots* are fulfilled. My friend hasn't complained since.

2. The Practice

I had a hot and sweaty straight 4 hours of physical activity this afternoon, non-stop with not even lunch in between. It was so exhausting that I took a nap. It lasted from 5:50 to after 6:30 pm. Then I woke up to Denner's music next to my room and her cooking. So I trudged outside with a very disoriented expression on my face.

And then hours later the cupcake/jello stuffathon picked up again. With also a touch of Soyer's popcorn and Mander's *HOMEMADE* mint oreo cookies.

ok so that's the greatest gossip I have at the moment. And please do spread because it is quite the drama in my life right now. If you want more, I'll keep you posted = )

- A

Disney Unveils Its Latest Line of Genetically Engineered Child Stars

2008-09-16T14:30:00.000-07:00

oh what will the little ones say when they see this...

The First Thing

2008-09-14T11:51:00.001-07:00

One of the things I've learned through Optix is that you never expose the same thing to everyone, and I mean Everyone. The playing field changes so frequently and what you think looks friendly in the distance can turn its back on you any second. There's a wall of trust and respect, and since you can't see the other side you don't know when everything can shatter and your side can be invaded. I have a certain advantage from my position since I can see different parts of the field, one big reason why I chose this position. but it interests me how ironic things come to be. And then I wonder which things I should say to certain people and which things I should keep to myself. It's way more difficult than it sounds.

Up till now, everything I've done has had a no-worry aspect to it. But now I'm honestly afraid for Optix. Granted, I know I don't have a lot of experience yet and still have this whole year ahead of me, but I have an inkling of what the result will be the end of my term. We'll see.

I know for CTAS at the moment, my predictions for this coming year have been on target so far, by hearing several sources. Oh, a note to any CTASers reading this (however few of you haha): whatever rumors have been going around regarding me are not true. I've heard a couple and am slightly amused. But seriously, it's nothing like that
= )

The First Thing:
Define "trust" and "respect" correctly on a professional level and poof you get your wall, where quantity does matter. But always build them, not break them, and that's the first step to developing good and long relationships.

A

my fears

2008-09-07T18:22:00.000-07:00

yay new blog layout! Finally got around to teaching myself basic HTML coding and formatting the layout. I still have some adjustments I want to make, but will probably work on that later on. For now, I like = )

It's been only a week and a half back at school, and already I am exhausted. It's not the academia I am so scared of, since I have completed all the most difficult ORIE courses and promised to take more *fun* courses now that I actually enjoy (click me). So of course, it is every other aspect of college life that I am, sadly to admit, tired out and almost sick of at the moment. Now I'm not saying that I dislike the organizations. If I did, I wouldn't have been stupid and joined them in the first place. I really enjoy all the orgs and teams I'm part of in general and sometimes would much rather work on them than study.

I use commas and the word *and* too much. I make things way more complicated than they really are.

Right now, being involved in leadership for four very different orgs takes the life out of me when they're all at high-stressed points at the same time. I guess it's good I care enough of the orgs that I would worry, but sometimes I wish I had the ability to let go of things better and trust other people to take on responsibility, instead of being a control freak. I took on these positions for the sake of my interests and pursuits in the future- more specifically the business areas in financial data analysis and marketing. And on a more personal side, they enhance my communication, presentation, and organization skills, very useful when it comes to courses, jobs interviews, and even speaking to people in general. I'm not awesome yet, but hopefully more practice this year will help.

Job fair this week. Grad school apps to work on too. I don't know what to do with my life = (

I'm also considering turning vegetarian because I don't know how to really cook meat (except san bei chicken). But that's a terrible reason and just pure laziness.

My brother's biggest worry is when the school doesn't serve his favorite lunch. (The younger one)

sigh.

If only, if only.

A

changes

2008-07-22T18:28:00.000-07:00

So the title placement annoyed me and I wanted to change the layout. yup that was the only reason. ya it's silly, I'm silly, we're all silly. I couldn't find anything I really liked but this will do for the week at least. I also tweaked some sites and took out some of the blogs, for people who shut down their sites or have lockins. That's the only reason, so no hard feelings : ) I have a library story but I'm late for an Illuminati skype meeting. And I shouldn't even be here. In case anyone's interested at all, my GRE test is this Saturday at 8 AM. fyi in case you want to catch me leaving at noon and probably throwing up on the way.

So I'll tell my story next week. bye!

Obon Festival

2008-07-14T01:21:00.000-07:00

Ahoy! Today was the annual Obon Festival in Downtown San Jose. It was my first time and I enjoyed it (minus the heat). It reminded me of the carnivals we had back in Chinese School with games, performances, and lots of Asian food. We saw the Taiko group from UC Irvine perform and they were really awesome. My brothers also played some games and Mom bought some Lotto scratch cards. We didn't win anything tho : ( We also visited the San Jose Buddhist Church Betsuin. The last time I went was for a World Religions field trip during high school. It's absolutely beautiful and even had a nice garden outside. I wish I took pictures but my camera died, like it always does when I actually need it. I enjoyed reading about the origins of religions in WR because they reminded me of fairytales. I considered buying a book on Shin Buddhism but it looked prolix and I still have Da Vinci Code shrink-wrapped from 3 years ago.

If you know me well, you'll know that I'm not a reader. Neither am I into film or music, so it's no wonder I turned to engineering. The only books I read lavishly were fairy tales. I also had fun doing my senior English project on researching them. Every other type of book for me is like a gamble of love or hate and it's scary. I took a mock GRE exam yesterday. I'm glad the math section was first because it vitalized my brain. It wasn't too difficult but I didn't get time to check and got two wrong for algebra mistakes. I flopped in Verbal. I didn't know what any of the words on the first page were and had no clue what two of the reading passages were about, which wasn't good because there were only three passages. I felt lucky to have gotten two-thirds of the questions right, but still... I just hope I study enough to do decently for the real test next week. After the test, my dad and I visited Stanford, where there was a crazy Asian invasion. I think they were tourists because they were mostly Chinese, had huge cameras, and travelled in herds. Nonetheless, the campus was beautiful and the weather was nice.

After the Obon Festival, we went to Juice City, another location sucked into the frozen yogurt craze. This place was pretty good tho. I think this weekend was the most eventful for me in awhile. Since Jess left for Taiwan last week, I haven't hung out with Jessicky and other Chinese School people, or seen most of my friends from high school. I've become a boring nerdbum. And I'm getting a little sick of the library. Well I haven't really gone there since last Thursday, when an old man sat next to me, fell right asleep, and snored loudly for more than an hour. This was in the quiet room too. Hopefully I go back tomorrow so I can focus studying.

12 more days : (

And finally... Happy Birthday, Dad!

what...

2008-06-03T23:25:00.000-07:00

The first time my city has failed me...

Search: Dunkin Donuts in San Jose...

I've now taken a great liking to the iced coffees at Dunkin Donuts, which I thank (or perhaps blame) Melanie for. I'm not quite as addicted as her, but they are very yummy and I have to say that's the one thing I miss the most from Ithaca since I've been back. Sad, right? But just bear it for a bit longer... I'll have you yet ^_____^ My first stop in Ithaca, here we come!

Looking back to look forward

2008-05-28T22:50:00.000-07:00

Another year, another tick till the end of my education.

New beginnings... first year being an official dance choreographer for Illuminations Chinese Dance Troupe, heading the management team of Optix Productions and helping pave the road ahead....

And the end of some great moments... being on e-board for CTAS after 2 years, the relationships, no more feeling spoiled with a comforting dorm life...

And some things that still the same... mostly my quest of what-oh-what to do after Cornell.

And some things that get even better... senior year is going to be awesome with everybody, especially my lovelies at 3C apartment next year : )

We mostly look back after going through everything and say that we have no regrets. Because the overall picture paints our destiny much clearer than the smaller pieces of the puzzle that give only a fragmented glimpse of everything. I'm still missing a lot of pieces. Instead of patiently finding them and placing them in the frame, I feel like this semester I scrambled and tried too desperately to fit too many into one hole. I wanted a lot of things... be even better in courses, be in relationships before thinking about the consequences, seize the leadership opportunities that I personally thought I was the most suited for. In the end, I wasn't able to step back and look at myself to see the true me. And I let the puzzle collapse.

I can only say, thank goodness I'm given another year of opportunities. I always want to learn new things and try new experiences. I realize now that this isn't entirely the best way to go, at least for me. More importantly, I think I need to focus on what I already have and build on my strengths, however few I dread to count at the moment. By focusing on Optix and Illuminations, research, courses, and grad school applications next year, I think that's more than enough.

I don't know why I do the things I do and what exactly I'm trying to prove when I put too much on my plate. Maybe I'm just too worried how people feel about me and lose the real me when I try to be who I think everyone wants. Maybe I need to relax more. Maybe I just need to be Alice and people can either take it or leave it.

I need this summer to start fresh. Because I have only one year left. And then it's over.

And mayhaps now, I have the courage to gradually start to put my pieces back into the frame. To form a picture that will show the true me.

Epik High - One MV (Eng. Sub)

2008-05-22T21:24:00.001-07:00

Big 5 Personality Test (OB Class)

2008-02-09T20:41:00.000-08:00

Results (1 lowest, 5 highest):

Openness: 5
Conscientiousness: 4.6
Extraversion: 4.2
Agreeableness: 4.6
Neuroticism: 2

Analysis: It's a good fit and a fairly adequate description of me. Of course, this is not a very accurate test and there weren't too many questions, but I still think that it did a very good job at giving a general scope on my Big 5 Personalities. I know I have a pretty loud mouth and don't like lying, and I also like meeting and talking to people, so I think that's why I scored higher on Openness... well actually the first 4 items. It could be a bad thing too.. being really talkative and clingy with people I know. And I need to learn how to say "No" in a better way to people. I'm glad about being low on neuroticism, so I don't have a mental disease and go crazy with emotions a lot. Hopefully I can be an awesome manager and leader one day.

My Romance - An Evening with Jim Brickman: "Angel Eyes"

2008-01-15T17:07:00.001-08:00

A not really eventful event this winter break

2008-01-11T20:24:00.000-08:00

My break has been quite uneventful and there was nothing worthy to blog about. Well, there was an embarrassing moment yesterday afternoon. I was going to buy milk and walked to our driveway to get into the car. Then I realized that I was still in my bright pink fuzzy HK pajama pants. I looked around to see if anyone saw (a middle school girl strolling on the sidewalk and a high school guy... both stared at me in a way that i've never seen before), and then ran into the house.

I've lost weight this fall semester, but lost more when I came back home. I'm not sure why, since I still eat regularly and do ballet. Hopefully, walking up and down the big snowy hill at Ithaca will give me more exercise. My brothers exercise a lot now by swimming 3 times a week. Will grew half a foot since the summer. Danny's still teeny.

I've also been doing embroidery pieces and studying for GREs this break, tho not so much the latter. That will continue into the semester. I'm excited about classes, especially the ORIE ones. Can't wait!

Breakdowns and Meltdowns

2007-12-15T23:49:00.000-08:00

Hello everyone!! First off, i hope everyone is having fun and resting well. It's been a long and tough semester, so let's make the best of this break and partyyyy!! :)

Delayed Flight
My flight was scheduled for around 2 pm from Syracuse Airport on Wednesday. Unfortunately, due to maintenance problems of de-icing the engine, all the passengers had to get off the plane and my flight from Syracuse to Dallas was delayed for more than 2 hours. It wasn't a total loss tho. Thank goodness for free WiFi at Syracuse. And there was this cute girl who sat in front of me on the flight, but she sometimes screamed in a high pitch voice at random times, and was also singing at times. I had an empty seat next to me on the Syracuse flight, and 2 empty seats either side of me on the Dallas flight, so it was nice how I got a lot of legroom.

Flight Breakdown
I was really looking forward to going home. Unfortunately, there's always an ending to my happiness and no ending to stress. Just when I think I have nothing to worry about, one of my greatest fears surfaced: the future. I started worrying about in this correct order: next summer's internships or lack of, what kind of career I want, what kind of graduate school to go to, GREs. See how they chainly relate? I was so upset and thought about this for 3 hours in my flight, and got off the plane with less of a clue than before. I have less than a clue now, since during dinner tonight, my father said, "Do not go into Operations Research." Oh shucks, what's my major again?

Stupid Future
One of my biggest flaws is inconsistency in planning. I change my mind so much and am unable to stick to the proper path that I've outlined from the beginning. I've been lucky that I've made my spontaneous changes work. But I don't think that'll last. I've talked to some people about my worries, and received great advice and comfort. But I still have to go through my future and make decisions, and I'm plainly scared. I understand a lot of people are probably in the same boat as me, and I'm happy we understand each other when we talk. But it's a rocky boat now and I sincerely hope it'll veer toward the right path soon.

Winter Break Goals
This break, I hope to actually study my GREs and coursework, finish my embroidery pieces I've been working on over the summer, practice my speech and writing communications skills, and learn filming.

On the other hand, I will be extremely happy if I complete the my first goal.

Other Random Stuff
Will grew a LOT and he's only an inch shorter than me now. Danny grew a bit as well. They've both been swimming every day, so that was the key to their height success. Hurray!

I love chestnuts. And maybe one day I can really roast them by an open fire.

With that, cheers to everyone and hope you all have a great holiday!

Toodlidoo,
Alice

So Close {Jon McLaughlin), "Enchanted Soundtrack"

2007-12-09T13:12:00.001-08:00

giving thanks

2007-11-22T19:24:00.000-08:00

happy Thanksgiving, everyone!! I hope everyone is having a wonderful day, with their family, friends, or loved ones. Or all three! And of course, I hope everyone had a wonderful feast of yummy food. and good luck to all the ambitious BF shoppers who are waking up mighty early to get those great savings.

I think I said I was going to post my stories from my creative writing class from last semester. Here are my two final stories. I wrote them awhile ago, and I'm not a really good writer. I like writing stories, and I wish I had more time and could work on being a wonderful writer, and then travel all over the world and spread my stories everywhere like seeds over a garden. My dream job.

ok here are my stories.

Seventeen

A seagull brushed across the sky
As we laid upon a green of infinite dreams
Everything was so easy

We felt beautiful
And let our bare feet drain the sun

As we painted pineapples in the sky
Dreams out of our minds
I popped a pastel square into your mouth

And you burst the red star
Your mouth spelled sounds
Of the three word lie

We closed into a Rubin vase
And you sucked in my hopes until they were dry

I remember it all now
Standing alone in the dark street
The long gone promise choking my finger

Diamonds dance across my eyelashes
And the black silk hides my fears

I wait for the blazing headlights

Battlefield at Noon

Three hundred fingers quiver and simmer
Gunfire and bombs burst in every corner and center
Black blood mixes with the clear puddles
Boiling until the flesh is tender

The timer dings the end of the three minute war
I pick up the bowl of food corpses
Prod them with my chopsticks
And sit down in front of my laptop

The smell of Asian lingers around me
As I finish my chemistry lab report

(props to people who can guess what the second one was about)

for.GIVE.ness

2007-11-07T13:24:00.000-08:00

always giving.

always learning.

for.you

for.ever

GUMMY BEAR!!!

2007-10-30T18:44:00.000-07:00

i love the red ones. here's the song, in French, German, and English, courtesy of Cindy. Check out its butt jiggle.

Classes are moving along. I'm enjoying them all and i enjoy being an ORIE. i dunno what people are saying when they say it's the easy engineering major. ORIE 350 (Finance and Accounting) is getting really difficult now, from what I hear, and the psets for my Optimization, and Prob and Stats classes are both time consuming. But so much fun! I also really like my Civil Engineering project class. Even though I dislike reading and memorizing stuff, like bio, I really love the labs. I wish there was a way to just do bio labs and never read about it, and still be a doctor :/ haha oh well... I'll admit here and now that I am a nerd and love my engineering major.

Soyoung is crazy about the pineapple ones. Hainlee is secretly putting lemon ones in her pile. He also just bit off the head of a red one (!) and placed the head on a headless green bear. :"(

My first set of interviews were so hectic. I just heard back from all 3, and I know I have such a long way to go. I'm still uncomfortable with phone interviews tho I've had two. I also don't think I'm taking them too seriously enough. Not to say that I goof off and take it as a joke. I just think that I should spend a lot more time preparing and practicing and researching on a normal ongoing basis, rather than just doing everything the day before.

Red ones are sooo yummyyyy!!

Most random week ever. Some stuff: I saw Khullat, my high school buddy, today after lab, who I haven't seen since last semester. And I learned she's living with the other Choreographer for Illuminations, Cornell's Chinese Dance Troupe. Coincidences :) Someone I least expected spoke to me today. Surprising.

Must step up. Hopefully, I'll do well this prelim round and also the next group of interviews ^_______^

And so it all begins again.

^____________^

2007-10-18T00:00:00.001-07:00

Only halfway there, but it's been a long week. I have two papers and two prelims ahead of me, but I'm still so happy!! Whyyy??? Becaaaauusee... I have just survived my first interviews here at Cornell!! ^____^ I don't want to go into details for fears of jinxism, but I'll say that I did much better than I thought I would. It wasn't perfect and I did some minor stupid things, but in general I didn't do anything that embarrassed myself too fully. And I didn't puke!

I'm usually optimistic and go with the happy flow, but right before I stepped into the interviewing room, I felt a wave of determination to ace this interview and do well no matter what. I'm surprised. I realize now that I'm the same with prelims. Maybe it's just a face to put on when I'm talking to other people beforehand. Deep down, I guess I'm more competitive than I appear and set a high bar for myself. I just don't like showing it. I kept saying that I'm still learning about life around me, but most importantly, I'm starting to establish my identity and realize who I am and who I can be. I think I've said that in many of my entries. Just goes to show how much I still need to learn :/

What's coming up...
**CTAS Ice Time this Friday, October 19th!! 10 pm - 12 am at Lynah!
**Stuff you don't need to know.. like project meetings, club meetings, and whee time. oh yay.

Highlights of the week...
**Mommy's 9-lb care package of ramen and two bags of chips! And an HK bag! It's gorgeous, and I'll use it, but I'm really going to start ditching this HK fad that
people constantly portray me with.

Just keep the faith
And let love lead the way

Loves!
^____________^

coloring myself

2007-09-23T19:46:00.000-07:00

I've had a strange habit of labeling people, like food items in a counter, dubbing their personalities in my mind as clear as the print on the food label (eg: "A small train with no sense of direction, but wants to be a super-train and zoom everywhere.") It's not an issue of being nice or mean, but more of a game for me. And it was helpful in remembering people I've just met. Of course, it took me awhile to realize that we are not one-dimensional, and each person deserves more than just one label about them. Even so, I think we all label each other to some extent, in different ways. Maybe with words, or memories, or some other creative medium.

I've been trying to stretch my mind more in different ways, going to different places around campus to study, sitting on that step in front of Olin Hall (yes, that's me) and just gazing at each person and all good things passing by. It's really cool to just try to stop time, as busy as my schedule might be, because I find the smallest thoughts and things in life the most spectacular. My mind is so dull in its outlook, seeing things in black/white, or good/bad, but not realizing the possibility of many colors and dimensions in my mind.

It's love.

I must end here because my roommate and annoying kids who live upstairs want to eat right now. Until then, take care everyone!

dreams and reality are blurring

2007-09-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

i want to fly fly away from here.

a midsummer night's dream.

oyvey!

2007-08-24T18:01:00.000-07:00

Classes finally began this week!! I thought I'd enjoy this semester more, since it would be more major-related, but now I find myself wishing I could rewind myself back to freshmen year. Perhaps switch out of my college (or out of Cornell for that matter), meet more people, and make better choices. I hear from older folks that college is always the greatest time of your life, but I feel like I'm not living up to that and I'm just wasting my time here. I keep having this feeling that I made a deep wrong turn awhile ago somewhere behind me, and in turn had a domino effect of bad things happen. Now I'm just trying to find my way back to the right road.

I want to be free out there, instead of caged in here.

ORIE classes aren't as bad as I thought. The lectures aren't that great, but at least the material seems somewhat more interesting than I thought. And my history and civil class seem nifty too. I'll have to make the best of everything now. Cindy and I went exploring and found the ORIE lounges (finally) and they look really really nice! Hopefully I'll be able to spend more time there.

I really want to meet more people in my major. Cool people. Nice study buddies. Hopefully I'll get to do that this semester.

I whine a lot. When everything's hectic and I have so many places and meetings to go, I wish I could just have time to stop and breathe in my own space. Now that I'm finally all alone, I wish I was somewhere else, with people and at places and doing something more fun.

So I guess this was more of a whining entry.

More of a reason to work harder.

Why Do I Live?

2007-08-01T00:55:00.000-07:00

TRUE NOBILITY IS IS BEING SUPERIOR TO YOUR PREVIOUS SELF.
HINDUSTANI PROVERB

To be rich is not everything, but it certainly helps.
Yiddish Proverb

To leave is to die a little.
French Proverb

When we sing everybody hears us, when we sigh nobody hears us.
Russian Proverb

Where there's music there can be love.
French Proverb

Who knows most speaks least.
Spanish Proverb

YOU HAVE TO KISS A LOT OF TOADS BEFORE YOU FIND A HANDSOME PRINCE.
NORTH AMERICAN PROVERB

You must live with a person to know a person. If you want to know me come and live with me.
Irish Proverb

The world is a rose: smell it and pass it on to your friends.
Persian Proverb

__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __

and my favorite...

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Greek Proverb

Reno, throbbing thighs, and making girls cry

2007-07-29T14:35:00.000-07:00

1. Reno

Overall, it was a mighty fun experience. We arrived early friday (07/20) afternoon and checked into Silver Legacy. That night I saw the "Dancing Queen" show. The performers were from the UK, and it was a 70s tribute where they sang ABBA songs. The dancing and choreography was really great. That night, as I passed by the slot machines, I noticed an increase in 1-cent machines. After my mom and I reached Circus Circus with Will and Danny... well, first Mom was sad that they took out the rolling Bingo game, which is her favorite and best game there. And then, I was in even more shock that they took out the Roll-a-Ball bowling ball game, which was my favorite game :( On top of that, they upped all the arcade games to $1. No more 25 or 50 cent good arcade games. So I guess they really took a step up in dabbing in gambling into all the kids.

The following night was the party for my mom's company. The food was really nice, but I kinda got bored in between the speeches. But I did meet two people, both from Berkeley. One of them is attending Cals this yr, and she's so adorable! The other person was someone I corresponded in emails with a couple months ago, tho we stopped. Or rather, I think I forgot to reply his last email and that was that. He was also majoring in Operations Research, so we had something to talk about, and he was also a great speaker too. Overall, quite fun.

I hate secondhand smoking. I was around the slot machines for awhile (not playing of course), so I'm wondering if that's the reason I started coughing the following week. It's better now, but stil... egh.

2. Throbbing thighs

This past Friday, in Chinese Dance class, the girls were learning the spear dance. The spear dance is my absolute favorite dance. I kinda suck when it comes to lovey dovey graceful and pretty dances, probably why I haven't improved in Ballet. But the SPEAR!!! Intense, challenging, and it makes me feel so powerful!! Aaaaand I think I'm losing the jiggly fat under my arms :D Score!! So anyhow... my dance teacher of course ups the level of the dance with each new generation doing the dance. I thought the dance from 3 years ago was already very hard. She had the new class do a front flip on one hand.

For all the gymnasts and flexible dancers out there, this probably doesn't seem too bad, but I was literally like O________O. My regular front flip sucks already, but I am a bouncy bouncy learner and am willing to try anything new :) So my first try, I end up sticking out my other hand in defense, and land a regular flip on the mat. Second try, I decide to glue my arm behind me so I cannot stick it out, and then I was so worried about breaking my right arm, that I ended up twisting my right leg and falling off the mat. Pain, but I am stubborn and stupid, so I wanted to do it again. Third time, definitely not the charm, after my body is in the 180 position, I lose balance and twist my spine and land on my side. I was done.

The following hours, I hobbled like a broken person when I walked and hopped/crawled up the stairs. My right had was also vibrating like mad. I thought it was cool my body was doing something spontaneous, without my control for once. But then the sight of my own mad-jiggling-like-jello hand kinda made me sick. Right now, my hand is better. I can't fully turn around tho cuz my back aches, and my thighs are throbbing.

I'm getting old. And weak. I don't think I have that much dance in me left :"(

3. I make girls cry

In tutoring, I made two of my students cry this. One of the girls' mother called me and requested I go easier and slower cuz I was being too hard. I felt like a bully :( I don't think I can tutor ever again, cuz I think I'm getting suckier and I don't wanna ruin the lives of our future leaders of the country. Corrupting children is ok, because everyone does that, from parents to the television to video games, but ruining their lives is pretty awful. I guess teaching is one thing I can permanently cross off on my career choice list.

4. Other news.

I bought my first piece of clothing, cargo pants, from A&F yesterday. I can no longer be against A&F. I have turned to the dark side.

Work thus far...

2007-07-18T18:08:00.000-07:00

It's been about a month at New York Life. I am grateful for my parents forcing me to learn piano cuz i never would have had good typing fingers. But it's toooo much :( My boss isn't in very often, since he has 3 offices in Milpitas, Pleasanton, and I think Emeryville. It's good cuz i don't have a time crunch to finish all of my work. I work mostly with Excel on the computer, data organizing and spreadsheets. And a lot of e-mails with his co-workers and interviewees. When I finish work, I just help out around the office, with the mailing, brochures, and cleaning up the room. He does a loooot of interviews. The work's not too bad or difficult, but I think it's getting more and more difficult. My boss gave me like a stack of folders that reach from the ground up to my thigh this Monday, to create a spreadsheet to sort and organize. I'm about halfway through :"(

I've learned that it's important to have a good memory. I only see my boss once, sometimes twice, a week. He lists out the things to do this week really fast Monday morning, and I just stand there trying not to forget it all. It's a lot, but I like it cuz I've been trying to get rid of my *spacing out* habit, and it's a really good method.

Nearly everyone speaks Mandarin or Cantonese in the building. I speak with the agents in Mandarin. It's a good brush-up during the summer, since I don't think I'm gonna wanna take Chinese again. I think Saturday schools have done me some good tho, since the agents understand me, or at least seem to. I hear a lot of agents yelling over the phone all the time, and I realize how much worse it is to yell in Mandarin than in English. Chinese people are louder too.

And of course what is work without... free stuff!!! :) I was so excited when I got a free backpack with neat pockets everywhere. I feel like a super secret agent hehe. Get it? "Agent??" :D I saw the NYL mousepad on the community computers, and I *really* want one because of the pretty blue and the really artistic layout. But I might get noticed, especially since there's always someone else there. I want a pen too, but I can't seem to find them anywhere. I guess I could take the brochures and like make a paper mache model out of them, but that might be a waste. And I don't think people will be happy with me taking hundreds of brochures and pamphlets out of the building.

I'm reconsidering the finance track. I realize I may not be doing this when I go into finance, and I definitely don't want to be an insurance agent. But I think I want to explore other career alternatives, perhaps actually more relating to my major. What exactly to Operation Researchers do anyway? I get a mental picture of someone with a clipboard and #2 pencil standing high in a bridge above an assembly line of workers. But I want to know what they actually do. So I decided that, first of all, no med track. And I'm going to use my free time taking more ORIE classes, just to get an idea of the different areas. I might wanna go back to minoring in Engineering Management too, but I'm not sure yet. The lady in the Eng Man department oked my schedule, so I know it's do-able. I guess we'll see. I want to take my GREs this winter break, so I don't want to kill myself. Yet. tehe :)

Med School: Cold Feet and Insanity

2007-07-11T20:28:00.000-07:00

So my craziness and blissfulness lasted no more than a mere 3 hours. I think I was too engrossed in the schedulizing on Excel and Schedulizer that I didn't even stop once to think about what I was really doing. I blame the watermelon. It made me completely bonkers and gave me symptoms that only alcohol, drugs, and other intoxicants would do. I can say so because I felt high and so happy. I was considering going on a medical track, possibly dentistry. Oh golly!! I have no idea why I even reconsidered it last night.

Maybe I got cold feet when I looked at how ridiculous my ORIE + Applied Math schedule looked and wanted to spice it up more. Maybe I was just schedulizing for fun and then got a wee bit too into it. Maybe I wondered what it would be like if I didn't refuse my father to be a doctor before I came to Cornell. Maybe I like schedulizing and had fun sorting the various science-y classes. Anyhow, I am sure I will be a good proper fake engineer from now on and stick with my major and concentration.

I am strong!! I can build furniture!!

2007-07-03T21:44:00.000-07:00

haha... well i can put one together :) I went to Ikea with my family for the first time on Sunday, and I think it was like an adult playground for my parents. My mom was uber excited about a spatula she got and even woke up at dawn to start using it the next day. And I finally got a dresser for all my clothes!! I put it together by myself and I am sooo happy that it works ^_____^ The hammering, screwdrivering, lifting, trying to understand the directions... I did it all by myself for the first time!! haha I sound like a kid, but I think you might understand the feeling... trying something new for the first time and having it turn out splendidly. It's a wonderful thing :)

It took me 2 hours to put together the dresser, from 9 till 11 pm. I should have gone to bed since I had work the next morning, but then I decided to "swiffer" it. But I didn't think it was enough, so then I had the "brilliant" idea of lint-rolling the dresser. It didn't work well obviously, but it now has a nice Bounce smell I love. That took a couple tenish minutes.. but I still felt I forgot something. hmm... ohhh of course!!! Pictures!!!! tadaaaaa!!

The completed dresser with FOUR drawer chests!! and miscellaneous stuff for decorating and camera purposes.

another view.

we bought organizing mini-cubby things at Ikea too!! nifty!

The next day I sorted my clothes and organized them into the new dresser and old dresser. For some odd reason, there still wasn't enough space for all my clothes. So I ended up donating some clothes and giving some to my mom and Will (the non-girly dressy stuff).

I'm up for the next furniture challenge now ^_____^ gimme gimme!! I can do it!! hehehaha.

summer update

2007-06-26T22:42:00.001-07:00

WARNING: LONG POST AHEAD

It's when you run out of coat hangers, then you decide to throw all your clothes on the bed and go "hey, let's write a new blog post!!" ^_____^ ok not really. but i did run out of coat hangers.

what has been going on in little miss dorkyhead's life??

WORK

part 1: 2 lessons from your fake receptionist

in my first minutes in the office, i only stood staring at the huge boxes of pamphlets, flyers, brochures, and whatever other kinds of shapes of papers there are. i was to carry the boxes and sort the thingees. within my first two hours i have acquired various sizes of cuts on both hands by sending the paper thingees flying to their various destinations. i needed to be "molded" with office tasks first before moving on to bigger things. ooo.

my war with the fax machine and copy machine, emails and phones with clients, and bulk packages.. it's only the beginning. or so i'm told. flashback to working at the school office when i was in eighth grade and at a real estate office in high school. my first couple days of work have been quite the twiddlebee running back and forth and catering this and that. i work at the empty reception desk since that's the only available space, leading people to believe that i'm the receptionist. it's actually one of my funnest times during work.

"hello, how may i help you?"
"hi, i have an appointment with xxx right now?"
"yes, hold on please.
...
do you have their cell phone number? oh it's all right. actually, just go right into the office."

a receptionist who never uses her telephone, they must wonder. amazing!! actually, even more likely, wondering who hired the worst receptionist in the world.

i leave this section with two lessons:
1) carry a first aid kit with you. papers can be your worst enemy.
2) become best friends with the stapler, copy machine, and telephone. together you have the power to defeat paper.

oh i nearly forgot to mention something. i'm not working at citigroup. i wrestled with the complicated application process and requirements cornell does not provide, and we parted our ways. it was a gorgeous office, but the way parking meters were everywhere and the price of downtown san jose food, i'd end up paying way too much money for a non-paid internship. but i didn't lie in this section. i decided to go to...

"The company you keep." I don't really know what my title is or what I'm doing. hopefully I learn that before I go back to school.

thanks to everybody for their support and encouragement, and i'll keep up that same motivation at NYL.

part 2: the dark tutor

i have no set tutoring schedule.
i am tutoring mostly girls this year.
3 full days a week.
i'm considering quitting.

just a couple of changes this year. my dad wants me to up the fee since i've kept the same amount for the past 3 yrs, but i'd only feel guiltier. i think i still have so much more to learn than to teach, and i don't know what to offer. i have a ridiculous dream of opening global-wide schools and inspiring children.... but i don't think it's worth it anymore when i lack the old spirit full of energy and light i once had. better settle my feet back to earth and think more realistically.

part 3: dancing in the stars!!!!

ok no i'm not. my dance teacher has an injury, so me and the other dance alumnae help out teaching sometimes. i love watching kids dance, and i envy them sometimes. and their cute dance outfits. i want to dance as much as i can before i go to the real world and become a real adult.

STUDY

i opened the big fat book today and went all the way up to the diagnostic test. then read the first question and decided to head home. i've decided on going to the library to study every day after work, mostly to get in the habit before school starts. i've never finished reading an SAT book in high school, but i made it my goal to finish at least one book this summer. i'm really worried about grad school, but the only way to ease everything is to go all out the rest of my undergrad yrs, and hope for another miracle.

DRAMA

oh no what?? noo, Tdramas!!! i've finished watching Devil Beside You last week. i like ridiculous and silly humor dramas. It Started With A Kiss is on tv now, and I like it so far. I also watched Digimon seasons 1 and 2 :) I LOVE PATAMON!!!

so that has been my summer so far. i have not found the last thread piece i need to finish my pillow embroidery. and i have not found my video inspiration yet. bummer.

yet, it was good to see old faces and revisit memories, and at the same time create new ones. i miss everyone and hope you are all having a wonderful summer!!

The place where I will be interning this summer is...

2007-06-08T21:17:00.000-07:00

it's a (non-paid) internship where i'll be learning some real finance and brokerage stuff this summer. it'll be busy, along with tutoring and dancing, but hopefully fun and memorable. and the best part is, the office is in downtown San Jose, so it's not too far from where i live. it's actually pretty close to my high school. i'm kinda nervous, but excited too haha. i hope i'll like it and i'll learn and get good experience out of it, and maybe even get an idea of what i wanna do in life ^____^

For my fellow Californians...

2007-06-05T14:04:00.001-07:00

I got this email this morning from my mom (Thanks mom!!) about the update in California driving laws. Most of them are updates and rise in fines (bummer) but there's one really important one at the end that's just been added.

And to everybody, please drive safely wherever you go!

Something to consider....please share with your friends/family who drive. Thanks.

Good information about new California driving laws. This was sent to me as a reminder that starting January 2007 we have new driving regulations, and I felt it was worth sharing. Please be aware of the costs involved!

1. Carpool lane - 1st time $1068.50 starting 1/1/07 (The$271 posted on the highway is old). Don't do it again because 2nd time is going to be double. 3rd time triple and 4th time license suspended.

2. Incorrect lane change $380. Don't cross the lane on solid lines or intersections

3. Block intersection - $485

4. Driving on the shoulder - $450

5. Cell phone use in the construction zone. - Double fine

6. Passengers over 18 not in their seatbelts - both passengers and drivers get tickets

7. Speeders can only drive 3 miles above the limit.

8. DUI = JAIL (Stays on your driving record for 10 years!)

9. As of 07/01/07 cell phone use must be "hands free" while driving.

Most Uncanny Indeed. Perhaps.

2007-06-01T03:14:00.000-07:00

An uncanny mood wave that is (and why am i blogging at 3 AM... particularly since I have a lunch meeting at noon, then dance practice later this afternoon.. AHH!! SCREWED!!!!)

Early Afternoon: All smiles to go to the Ranch 99 (Asian market) for milk/junk food grocery shopping :)

Late Afternoon: Sadness that Michael's has completely sold out of the color of thread I need to finish my duckie embroidery. Out of the hundreds of colors of thread, only that color sold out!! Whyyyyy??? :(

Later Afternoon: Quiet time at Borders. Enough said. :D

Evening: I won't be working with my mom after all. I'm deciding whether to still search for a second job this summer. On top of it, I'm stressed about dance choreography for next year, and how I'm going to do it all on my own. If this is just the beginning, I don't wanna know what it's gonna be like when school starts. So I refused to finish dinner, and locked myself in my room for an hour and forced myself to cry until I let it all out. :"(

While in bed: I realized I forgot to buy Jamba Juice :""""(

Night: Grades were out! It was a mix... not bad, but I expected better from myself. :/

Early this morning: Researched grad schools and GRE/GMAT prep. omg suicide :(

Lesson: I need therapy.

Story About Danny

2007-05-28T20:55:00.000-07:00

Last night, after arriving at KFC, I park the car and open the door, while Danny opens his door in the back. We step out, and slam both our car doors at the same time.

Danny: Jinx
Me: ...

New Motivation. Or Insanity.

2007-05-25T11:00:00.000-07:00

I woke up at 8 am this morning. I don't know why. I went to bed at midnight but couldn't sleep till past 2 in the morning. Perhaps it's because I've been getting 12+ hours of sleep each day, and it's gotten the best of me. Whatever it is, I woke up feeling great and awake and perky, but thinking that I was high. And now I am more sure than ever that I am.

Grades used to not matter to me. I'd think that they were just stupid letters that evaluated only a fraction of your quality and who you are. And when you die, you're more likely think back to much more important things than wishing you got better grades. Grades come and go, but more important things in life stay with you longer. Yes, I still believe all that. To a certain extent.

I'm not doing this because I've had a sudden dip in my grades curve. I actually have done much better this semester, and reached my goal of a comeback after not doing so well the previous semester. Yes I'm happy, but now, I guess cuz I'm a greedy child and had a small taste sample of what it's like to get good grades, I. Now. Want. More.

My new drive into the school year, even tho the old one ended just a week ago, is not to put all my efforts into my work and make a difference for children (last summer), learn how to burp on cue (last winter... and failed), or become a nicer person (this year.. still going). I am not going to be one those cutthroat people, who will do anything they can to lower the curve and bring themselves up, cuz I don't believe that proves anything, other than that you're a meanie. I'm not even sure how I'm gonna do it, but I want to do it the fair way, proving only to myself that I can do more than what I believed I was capable of.

People say I underestimate myself. The truth is, I've never taken chances and made changes, to see what I could really do. So I want to challenge myself and take more risks in life. Today, grades. Tomorrow, jumping off planes. Next year, flying.

Oh boy, I'm already excited :)

A New Home!

2007-05-20T23:36:00.001-07:00

It's the start of summer and I decided to move to a new home. On the web. After nearly four years of the same site, I thought I'd wash out all my thoughts and start out fresh. So here I am now.

I'll try to sound less boring next time. Until then, I hope everyone's having a pleasant summer beginning!!